Do you ever feel like that spider in the shower who is desperately trying not to go with the flow of water down the drain, but eventually he has no choice? I completely know how he feels - well not completely because I'm not dead nor drowned, but just before he slips to the abyss, that feeling - I'm feeling it... I watch as the world around me does exactly what we're supposed to do. As a human you go to college, get a career, find your mate, buy a home, have babies and watch your kids do all the same exact things. Why is this so? How has this been so ingrained into society that it's just what is expected of a person? How did we get so robotic? I try so hard NOT to fall into the "norm" of society, but I feel more inclined every day to get sucked up with that current of tradition...
I often envision the birth of children who are all born on the same day as a batch of cookies in the oven. Some are soft and sweet and some get a little crispy. It's all determined by the care and love put into the baking and yet sometimes you've done everything right and there's still complications. Each baby that comes into the world is a gift and unique to his or her surroundings. Though, as the child grows up, the girl/boy see the same images of what the world has in store for them. Love, marriage and baby carriages. It's all so scripted and molded. These ways of life get confusing for the boy who finds boys more attractive than women or for the woman who falls in love with a man who wants a lot of children, but she is baron. If the mold wasn't held up so prominently - some folks might not have to feel such pain or feel so inadequate.
I'm all about kindness, acceptance and love. In many ways we've moved forward when it comes to equality for all, but in many ways we are still so very archaic in our thinking. Still it's not a human rights thing for me. I know Brad and Angelina are not getting married until everyone can and I totally commend them for that. My reason for not wanting to marry or settle down and have kids is because it's what's expected and I don't do things for that reason alone. I am so in love and happy in that area of my life and that's that. So many people ask us, Paul and I, when we're going to get married and why haven't we settled down and had any kids yet? It's none of anyone's business. I am happy for ANYONE who sees their dreams through and if getting married and having kids is truly their dream - that rocks - not knocking it. Each person should be able to do what they feel and what they envision their life to be. No judgment.
We are told to be unique and be creative and live our lives the way we want within the given laws. Then, later in life the unique goes out the window. Now-a-days everyone wants to "keep up," which means have the latest gadgets and gizmos, best cars and beautiful homes. If you look around certain neighborhoods - no one is unique - it all looks the same. Again, I'm not saying it's wrong, it's just an observation. Uniqueness isn't what matters anymore - even the music you hear on the radio all blends together. Stand out actors and actresses - there are some, but it's faint compared to the glory days of Hollywood. The mold is very much set.
So, as I watched the little spider nearing the water spout and trying so desperately to hang on, I felt like him. I am trying so hard to pave my own unique way, do what I feel and not care so much about material things or frivolous needs. Still, I feel the pressure, holding on so tightly to the side of the water spout. Don't want to conform, don't want to fall into the ways of the world, but I'm here living in it. I am expected to get married and maybe someday I will, but at the moment it is not part of my life's dream. I am expected to have children and give our family more generations, but today I am scared to bring a child into such an unstable world. I am expected to get going with my career - do something with my talents and have a much more notable job, but at this moment I'm gaining more experience and using my free time to better myself emotionally and physically and I do believe there's something great waiting around the bend for me... Once I’m a whole and healthy person.
This is who I am. I know there are many like me who watch The Kardashians for a good laugh and to see the superficial perspective some have. We don't want to be zillionaires ever, but we do want more for our purpose and our soul. To be fulfilled by kindness, charity, creative workings and never by money or status. We don't hold judgment on anyone in any realm of life - be it wealthy or poor - because we never want to be judged for our stance. There is more to the world than black and white. There is more than seeking material goods. Personally, I am happy for anyone who has what puts a smile on their face. Whatever your dream is - dream it, hold it, nurture it and honor it. Respect and acceptance should be given to anyone who is moving forward and doing their best. I think it's time we threw the cookie cutters out the window and realized that it's okay to bend the rules of "normal."