I love this quote by Mark Twain, "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." It's so true. If you just live in truth, it's there, out in the open and you can just be. You don't have to reach for the script you wrote last week and try to adhere to that fake plot. You are at peace with your truth. Now I don't pretend to be some saint and yes I have had my fair share of fibs to keep from hurting someone else's feelings. I, as most people do, hate to hurt anyone's feelings and I want to be there for everyone, but as one person - it is impossible.
The word, "No." is one that people cringe at and yet it is a tool that was added to our vocabularies for a reason. Boundaries are important. You must take care of yourself too. If you had a bad day or you're feeling down, you have a right to those feelings. We are here to serve a greater purpose to those around us. Giving is the name of the game, but when you feel in your gut that you don't want to do something, just tell the people around you straight up. Honesty is far better in the long run. As long as you are kind and well spoken, most people will understand. Those who don't understand, well that's on them and not on you. You have to be who you want to be which includes taking part in what you want to take part in. When you really look at the people around you, most of them do exactly as they please. So why aren't you affording yourself that same luxury?
The human condition is ever changing, ever flowing and we weave in and out of practice. We decide we want to be honest, open and change. So, we embrace that way of life and it lasts for a week, a month, a year... Then, an uncomfortable circumstance comes up and we feel put in a corner and we go against our grain. This is because we are human and we make mistakes and very few things stay at the forefront of our mind. So much to do, so much to remember, so many ways to be that our center can occasionally fall into the shadows of life. Yes, we mess up and then we beat ourselves up because of it. We are so hard on ourselves. Some would say that we should be hard on ourselves because that is how we become better people. Others think we should give everyone a break. Truly so confusing to me as to what is right? Thus is the question of life, isn't it? There really is no right answer...
There's an inconsistency to humanity. Kind people have the power to hurt people and sometimes do. Mean people have the power to be kind and sometimes are. There are people who say they couldn't hurt a fly and yet they are the first ones around the water cooler bad mouthing someone. If I'm not mistaken, just because you're not saying those words to the person directly, that doesn't mean it's not a form of hurting them. There are people who vow to be as honest as Abe, but then they turn around and tell you the most far fetched story to prove their point. If I'm not mistaken, that's lying! There are those who dislike it when you nag them about quitting one of their bad habits and yet they have no problem nagging you to move forward in your own life. It's along the same lines - if it bothers you when someone points out a flaw then why would you point out their flaws? If it's tit for tat then just own that, but realize it's a losing game and just mean.
I am to blame in all these areas. Luckily I've seen and I'm still open to seeing the error of my ways. Honesty is my motto for 2014 and so far so good. I've always been an open person, but I want to be honest about my needs and wants and just say, "I don't want to," if that's my truth. People respect you more if you don't make excuses. Luckily when it comes to me, I'm happy to be an open book. If you want to know my flaws, I'll tell you. If my secrets will help get my point across, they quickly become truths and no longer secrets. Sometimes I may give too much information (TMI), but I don't care. I want to be open, honest, and true. I want to be seen as an open book because this is how you reach people. When you sit closed and guarded you learn nothing and teach nothing.
I've been unkind and it hurt me more than any mistake I've made in my life. It sits as a reminder of how not to act if I should ever have the same situation arise again. When evaluating the circumstance, it all came down to youthful naivety and ego. When you trust, you can get hurt. When you are put down, you should just rise above and realize you're better than what is being said. Self esteem is important too. If you have none, the words of others become truth. Your brain latches on and tries to make you think they could be right. Whenever you're going through anything, you can't truly be objective and see from all sides. Once you get past it, learn the lessons and look back - you see so much clearer. Give yourself a break. I had to. I had to say, "You're human, you made a mistake. I forgive myself." There is no way to take it back so you have to move forward and learn from it.
When you have a lot of different family units and an array of friendly circles, you encounter so many personalities and so many different views. The biggest thing is to stay consistent with your inner bell. We all have that inner feeling that let's us know, "Hey you, you're not being yourself." When you hear it - readjust, be mindful and be you. It's so easy to fall into the traps of being what everyone else is, but you can't - you are you. The best example of a person in my life who embodies this idea is my Brother. He is 100% himself, but he is so personable and kind that he can fit into any group of people. It's amazing to watch. His confidence of spirit, his amazing presence and ease in any situation is remarkable. He can engage with any age group and the way he holds his ground without ruffling any feathers is a gift. I admire him so. Drama free.
Drama. We create every piece of it that enters our life. All that drama consists of is your reaction to a circumstance. How you feel, the way you speak about it, what you think and how you act - you have the power to be drama free. Drama is a time waster and a happiness eraser. It serves absolutely NO PURPOSE. So why are people dramatic? Well, perhaps they are actors/actresses and need to stay in character, but most people are dramatic because they are bored. Perhaps life is at a standstill and they embellish and fib to heighten life to a level of exciting. It's still lying. It's like the BIG FISH story. The fisherman holds out his arms all the way and says, "You should of seen it, I almost lost my pole, the fish had me fighting to reel it in. IT WAS THIS BIG." Then, you see the picture of him holding the fish and it was half that size. To most, the fact that he caught a fish at all, is great story and yet for some reason, he didn't think that was enough. We are all enough! Life, on its own, is amazing.
There's also the daily dramatics. One thing goes wrong and you get angry or stressed and then everything spirals out of control. You dropped your coffee and then ripped your dress. You got a bad parking spot at work, you didn't get that promotion, you got a speeding ticket and so on and so on... If you let all those things become BIG things they will take over your day and sometimes even your week or month... The reason for that is you are putting negative energy into each issue that arises. You are sending out a message to the universe that you react to negatives. So, guess what, the universe is going to give you more negatives... It's the law of attraction. If you take on each setback with light and love, you will find yourself with more days that go right. TRUST ME! Drama free is such a happier place to be...
That brings me to kindness again. Some drama stems from the mere fact that someone chooses harsh words instead of using kind words to get their point across. Like the expression, "Don't poke the bear!" We are all capable of pushing people's buttons - especially when it comes to people we know very well. Usually these people are the ones we hurt the most. We think, "they'll have to forgive me because we're always around each other." Still, there's nothing fair about that. If you constantly pick at a person, they will eventually growl - just like that bear did. It got poked one too many times and it finally had enough. I'm not saying that's a good way to behave either - you should nip any comment that hurts you in the bud and open up the dialogue so you can have a better relationship. So often we don't want to start a war or have tension when really it's worse if you don't say something because you're just holding onto it. Communication and kindness will equal peace and tranquility and that's what we're all after, isn't it?
As I've said before, I merely write these things to get my thoughts out there, maybe start a conversation, and to instill these principles back into myself. I am not a preacher. I am a writer. I think, I feel, I write it all down in hopes of becoming a better person. Along the way if I touch someone or make someone think then I've got a little frosting on this cupcake. My goal is to be better and to keep thinking and speculating on how life is truly meant to be. I'm no expert, I'm no angel and I realize I am to blame in all the scenarios above. I take responsibility for all the flaws and imperfections of my soul because in them I can plant flowers of hope and change. May some of these seeds find their way into your garden...