There are times we don't get to choose who surrounds us. I can
already hear them saying "yes, of course you can - just
leave the situation." There are times when you are on your way out of a
situation, but in order to have grace and dignity, you must slowly begin your
departure. Sometimes this means you have to go day in and day out with dark
forces trying to steal your light. The thing is... let them try... You are far
too bright for any darkness to permanently bring you down.
I am having a hard few weeks and I feel as the flowers in that
poem above. They feel stuck. There has been a lot of going through the motions
coupled with beautiful bright spots like sitting with my Mister talking or this
past Thanksgiving or working on an art project or writing my novel. I have such
high lights (pun intended, LOL) and then such low dark spots. This constant up
and down has made me feel different from the world in the past, but lately I
see that I'm no different than anyone. I believe we all feel ups and downs and
on a daily basis. It's just that my lows are so low and my highs fly and are so
magnificent.
It struck me one evening, that expressing my every feeling was not
benefiting me. I realized that keeping some of it to myself was very powerful.
In this world where we express every possible thing to a world of computer
screens, I just felt like a little silence was in order. It's been amazingly
healing for me and has moved me to a different space of existence. My life is
not a picture reel. My life is not a status to be liked. My life is whoever is
seated next to me, whoever I am speaking to on the phone and all those
beautiful souls who extend their life to mine. How I see it is that I've been
holding out fishing poles just hoping someone would bite: BIG fish equaled thirty
or more likes and a little fish
was zero to thirty likes. I fell into the trap of who likes me? But WHO CARES? Honestly! Life is not a
popularity contest. At least my life has never been one.
Now, just to be 100% CLEAR - this is my personal preference and my
personal journey and in no way, shape or form am I bashing here. I am simply
making a conscious effort, for my well being, to put down a screen and pick up
a book. To not know exactly what news will be rolled out each day. (Like what
happened in Paris just a few weeks ago. My prayers went out and tears fell and
I didn't even know the gruesome details that have since been shared verbally
with me. I am so glad I didn't have to see that. I can't handle it.) My heart
is so fragile and I just can't handle the weight of the world sometimes. That
doesn't mean I don't see the amazing beauty of the world. You cannot truly
appreciate the sun without the rain to show you there's a difference. This life
and all its gifts are amazing. I'm left awe struck so often which leads to
inspiration which leads to creativity! Still, I feel EVERYTHING. Can't express
how much you're feeling because not everyone sees it for what it is. You can
easily get labeled negative or a drama queen if you let people into that very delicate space and that
just fuels the low lights. There are moments I feel COMPLETELY
misunderstood and invisible and in those tough times, my best friends are ink pen and blank
sheet of paper. I know how lucky that
is: to never feel truly alone because I have a space in which to create worlds
or thoughts or musings. It's pretty unbelievable at how many pieces of poetry
I've written. They are tangible pieces of me.
Back to the light... Those souls who are kind enough to peek
behind the canvas of words or art and see into your heart, those are the
special souls. We don't all have the same support systems and we don't all like
the same things as each other. Sometimes we get so caught up in having this
person or that person pay attention to us or validate us - all the while
missing the light to the side which has been glowing non-stop as a constant
source. It's so important to acknowledge and hold tight to those who are always
there shining bright. Those who occasionally join the party, welcome them in.
It’s not relevant when they chose to show up; all that matters is that they showed up! It's not about validation or acceptance. We've
unfortunately been trained by this outward society that something only bears
merit if it can be purchased. That is a lie.
So, why am I writing? What is my purpose for this: my latest rant? Well,
sometimes I have a point and sometimes I ramble. Today is a little of both.
What I hope to convey is we each are valid beings. My way, your way, his way, and
her way - they are ALL valid. We must be in tune with what our minds and hearts
are telling us and follow the paths that have our well being in mind. If
something doesn't work for you, don't continue to participate in it. Finding
the light is the great quest of life.
Never stop searching for it and never stop emanating it! No matter how dark it
gets, you always have a spark of light in you. ALWAYS!
We are all made up of
light and dark
We are all deep beings
with soul and heart
We are all capable of
great things
But it's not about the
gold it brings
It is about the richness
of spirit
I wrote this. It is not
about who hears it
Each experience serves a
purpose
Each reflection rids you
of a burden
Center yourself with
your values
Shaped and formed,
specific to you
Whatever works
To preserve
Your peace within
It's not about where
you've been
Only you can make
yourself feel cornered
Do yourself a favor and
just keep on moving forward...
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