I delayed myself in writing this until I could calm
my anger and be more subjective and graceful with my words. In case
you missed it, JD Vance said the following: "We are effectively run
in this country... by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at
their own lives and the choices that they've made and so they want to make the
rest of the country miserable too... How does it make any sense that we've
turned our country over to people who don't really have a direct stake in
it?" There were other things in there, but I don't want to get too
political here. That's for each person to decide. What I will touch on is much
greater and even more upsetting than politics.
It would be so easy to just sit here and spout
off some insults about the person who said these things, but I think there's
more to look at then just the words. The meaning of the things said, hold far
more weight. Plus, I always think it unwise to act in the same way as the
person you were offended by. Hypocrisy is a big part of the problem in the
world, but that's a whole other blog. Of course, as I write this, there are new
articles going around claiming it was sarcastic and everyone's missing the point.
Points made intelligently are rarely missed. Sarcasm is not something that
should be served up when hoping to gain people's support and votes. Not taking
things seriously is something to maybe steer away from if you are hoping to get
a serious appointment like Vice President.
With all that being said, the first concern
that came to my mind after hearing that unintelligible statement, was all the
impressionable minds who may have heard it. Those who are going to believe what
he is saying as truth. To be completely transparent, I can be labeled a
"childless cat lady," as I have 4 cats and I have no children as I
head towards 44 years of age. I have struggled to not only figure out who I am,
but to also hold tight to me, when others want to tell me who I am. And I admit
that I am still on shaky ground, but in this stage of life, I know myself enough to shake any doubts
that these words put in my head. What about those who aren't? It's so easy to
say, "they are just words," but the reality of it is that not
everyone has armor built up to reject words. Things like this can seep in and
become part of our programming. Most people don't want to hear that, because
they'd have to take some responsibility for what they say. In my experience, words are always spoken for a
reason.
There's a lot to unpack in that cat lady statement. Using "childless" dumbs down fertility into a narrow
choice. As if every childless person wanted to be childless. It's a really hard
reality for some who dreamed of having children to not be able to. Beyond that,
what about the men who never have/had children? George Washington never had
children. Why is it just women that get ridiculed when sometimes it is not even
a choice. As a woman who HAS chosen not to have children before ever trying, I
can tell you that my choice has a lot to do with how judgmental and cruel the
world can be. For me, life has been intensely overwhelming at times. Some days it takes everything I have, just to get out of bed in the morning. I didn't ask to come here and suffer like this and I realized that I did not want to impose the
possibility of these same feelings, onto another human being. Also, having
someone that lived inside of me for nine months grow up and out of my control
for their well being, terrified me. I am scared enough in this life as it
is.
"A child changes everything," is
what I imagine some people reading this are thinking. I have heard the argument
that "once you have a baby, you will be less focused on yourself and
you'll have less time to be anxious." I wish I could believe that, but as
a cat lady, 3 of my cats are outdoor strays and I'm worried sick every night
till I see their faces each morning. If I'm that distraught with cats that
never took residence inside my belly, I don't see how a baby would be any different. I also have a lot of unhealed trauma that I don't ever want to
impose on a tiny being that didn't ask to be brought into this world. Nor do I
ever want a child to be a band aid for my pain or use it as something that will
heal me. It's just not something I want for my life and I feel blessed to be in
a committed relationship of over 17 years where that is respected and agreed
upon between the two of us whole heartedly.
I love children and I am so happy for anyone
and everyone who wants to go that route and have the life they have always
dreamed of. That's the thing, as those who are childless by choice, we want
everyone to do what they want and we don't impose anything on those people.
That's the unnerving part of judgment that is put into action or into a speech
to reach the masses like this. It's telling others that they are WRONG for
living just as they want and yet we would never say the
same about their lifestyle because we want freedom for all. Truly. You do you
and I'll do me and we can live together respectfully. Why can't it be that
way? In all facets of life.
Leaders of the world, need to see that it
takes all kinds of kinds to keep the world moving and working. If every woman
had a child or children, the Earth would be even more populated than it already
is. We are nearly at capacity. If I had children, these four cats would be left
to their own devices and would probably perish. They are creatures of the
universe that should be cared for and looked after too. Think about the doctor who
wasn't able to have children and so she spent her life working on fertility
research to help others have the chance. Or those "childless cat
ladies" who were so dedicated to help stop cancer or create some
technological advancement that we count on everyday, that they didn't have
time for children in their life. After saving the world, they come home and are
greeted by loving beings who give them some comfort. It takes us all to keep
the world going.
The most glaring point that Mr. Vance made was
when he said: "How does it make any sense that we've turned our country
over to people who don't really have a direct stake in it?" It
said a lot more about him that anything else he said. From what I can deduce,
he thinks it is impossible for someone to care about something they won't
benefit from. What does that say about what he will care about? Only things
that directly benefit him or that he has a stake in? I care so deeply about the
future of our world and it's because I want to leave it a little bit better
than I found it. The beauty of the Earth is vast and awe inspiring to me. I
want as many people to experience that awe as possible. The future may not hold
me or my decedents in it, but I care about other people's decedents very much
because I have empathy.
Empathy makes saying things without thinking
very hard to do. When you think about the impact your words might have on
others, you speak with caution and only say things that really need to be said.
Empathy often holds no benefit and sometimes comes with a little pain or hurt
on behalf of those who are suffering. Women instinctively have more empathy
because of their maternal make-up. Yes, even if you don't have children, as a
woman you are hard wired to have motherly instincts. Just compare a man and a
woman sleeping in the same house at night. Make a loud noise in the kitchen and
see who hears it first. 9 times out of 10, it'll be the woman because she is
hard wired to hear noises as she sleeps in case her baby needs to be fed or
cared for. It's innate and that empathy extends to all. Beyond our
"stake." It's not about us. It's about EVERYONE.
To say that you can't care without a stake in
it, is part of the problem with society as a whole these days. "How will
this benefit me," or "How can I make this work in my favor," is
often the goal. People are looked at for what they can give or what they owe
you. Looking at aging parents as an inheritance, taking money from hard working
people you don't plan on helping once elected, pocketing the money you find
lying in the street instead of finding its rightful owner, or live streaming
good deeds, etc. Where is the empathy in all of that. That's what we need more
of in this world. NOT having a stake or benefit in something and caring anyway.
Those who are the loudest get the most air time and so we lose sight that there
are a lot of people who are doing good in quiet.
To all my fellow childless cat ladies out
there, I see you. Beyond that, to any woman who has felt less than for not
being able to conceive or has chosen a different path than motherhood, I see
you. To the mothers who are raising children that have empathy and respect for others, I see you. Let empathy light our way and though it is tempting to double down on hateful speech, let's rise above it. What's been said speaks volumes. Let it be its own undoing. There is enough hatred in the world and we do not need to add any fuel
to that fire. You are a valid and beautiful human no matter what you produce.
Just BE. Shields up!
