There are times we don't get to choose who surrounds us. I can already hear them saying "yes, of course you can - just leave the situation." There are times when you are on your way out of a situation, but in order to have grace and dignity, you must slowly begin your departure. Sometimes this means you have to go day in and day out with dark forces trying to steal your light. The thing is... let them try... You are far too bright for any darkness to permanently bring you down.
I am having a hard few weeks and I feel as the flowers in that poem above. They feel stuck. There has been a lot of going through the motions coupled with beautiful bright spots like sitting with my Mister talking or this past Thanksgiving or working on an art project or writing my novel. I have such high lights (pun intended, LOL) and then such low dark spots. This constant up and down has made me feel different from the world in the past, but lately I see that I'm no different than anyone. I believe we all feel ups and downs and on a daily basis. It's just that my lows are so low and my highs fly and are so magnificent.
It struck me one evening, that expressing my every feeling was not benefiting me. I realized that keeping some of it to myself was very powerful. In this world where we express every possible thing to a world of computer screens, I just felt like a little silence was in order. It's been amazingly healing for me and has moved me to a different space of existence. My life is not a picture reel. My life is not a status to be liked. My life is whoever is seated next to me, whoever I am speaking to on the phone and all those beautiful souls who extend their life to mine. How I see it is that I've been holding out fishing poles just hoping someone would bite: BIG fish equaled thirty or more likes and a little fish was zero to thirty likes. I fell into the trap of who likes me? But WHO CARES? Honestly! Life is not a popularity contest. At least my life has never been one.
Now, just to be 100% CLEAR - this is my personal preference and my personal journey and in no way, shape or form am I bashing here. I am simply making a conscious effort, for my well being, to put down a screen and pick up a book. To not know exactly what news will be rolled out each day. (Like what happened in Paris just a few weeks ago. My prayers went out and tears fell and I didn't even know the gruesome details that have since been shared verbally with me. I am so glad I didn't have to see that. I can't handle it.) My heart is so fragile and I just can't handle the weight of the world sometimes. That doesn't mean I don't see the amazing beauty of the world. You cannot truly appreciate the sun without the rain to show you there's a difference. This life and all its gifts are amazing. I'm left awe struck so often which leads to inspiration which leads to creativity! Still, I feel EVERYTHING. Can't express how much you're feeling because not everyone sees it for what it is. You can easily get labeled negative or a drama queen if you let people into that very delicate space and that just fuels the low lights. There are moments I feel COMPLETELY misunderstood and invisible and in those tough times, my best friends are ink pen and blank sheet of paper. I know how lucky that is: to never feel truly alone because I have a space in which to create worlds or thoughts or musings. It's pretty unbelievable at how many pieces of poetry I've written. They are tangible pieces of me.
Back to the light... Those souls who are kind enough to peek behind the canvas of words or art and see into your heart, those are the special souls. We don't all have the same support systems and we don't all like the same things as each other. Sometimes we get so caught up in having this person or that person pay attention to us or validate us - all the while missing the light to the side which has been glowing non-stop as a constant source. It's so important to acknowledge and hold tight to those who are always there shining bright. Those who occasionally join the party, welcome them in. It’s not relevant when they chose to show up; all that matters is that they showed up! It's not about validation or acceptance. We've unfortunately been trained by this outward society that something only bears merit if it can be purchased. That is a lie.
So, why am I writing? What is my purpose for this: my latest rant? Well, sometimes I have a point and sometimes I ramble. Today is a little of both. What I hope to convey is we each are valid beings. My way, your way, his way, and her way - they are ALL valid. We must be in tune with what our minds and hearts are telling us and follow the paths that have our well being in mind. If something doesn't work for you, don't continue to participate in it. Finding the light is the great quest of life. Never stop searching for it and never stop emanating it! No matter how dark it gets, you always have a spark of light in you. ALWAYS!
We are all made up of light and dark
We are all deep beings with soul and heart
We are all capable of great things
But it's not about the gold it brings
It is about the richness of spirit
I wrote this. It is not about who hears it
Each experience serves a purpose
Each reflection rids you of a burden
Center yourself with your values
Shaped and formed, specific to you
Your peace within
It's not about where you've been
Only you can make yourself feel cornered
Do yourself a favor and just keep on moving forward...